Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
