What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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