??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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