I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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