so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize