PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
