Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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