bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
this just has baby written all over it
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
