do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
