bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
