Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize