I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
