If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
