Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
