I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
