As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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