I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
