you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
