I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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