so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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