I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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