Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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