So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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