There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
