Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
