why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
