It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
BRING THE BAGELS
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
