so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dignity is for republicans.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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