Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
