I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Be still, my beating vagina.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
