Jerry, you need to find god
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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