can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
