forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
false alarm, still single
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
