I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
