if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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