EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
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