please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Randomize
