honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i already hear my dad disowning me
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
