i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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