This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
