Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
