I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
