My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize