He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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