Moan for me like Helen Keller
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
