So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i drank out of a bidet.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
