Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
