Sponge bath it is.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
