Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
