There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
