eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
please come you make the beer taste better
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
