Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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