and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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