She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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