i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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