New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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