so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
