Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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