Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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