I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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