My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
