just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
