I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
