your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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