I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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