Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
