He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
