Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
