I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
