He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
