The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
