he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
